Fetters: Coffee

As we continue our march on oppression, having trod on some of the sacred plants of civilization, we turn toward their most accomplished sibling: coffee, the mainstay of Colombian narcotraffic, the drug that hooked the world.  The fair majority of the human race savors this delectable flavor, enough to look for it in cups of burnt and bitter acid diluted in hot water.  All the while they pay little heed to the potent stimulant they have chained their being to.

Caffeine convinces your brain that you need to key up, ostensibly to deal with some minor emergency.  When your life is a minor emergency all day every day, you have effectively adopted the outlook of a junior high school girl.  I realize that you, dear reader, are likely sipping the drug as you read this; nearly everyone I know is lost to the addiction.  Take comfort: you have a multi-billion dollar industry behind you, though one wonders how it won your trust where others failed.

All that money has funded some remarkable research on the health effects of this beloved beverage.  A few studies have made the interesting assertion that the benefits of drinking coffee ‘outweigh the ill effects’.  That would be a fair conclusion but for the world of other beverages whose ‘ill effects’ are – none.  You don’t have to ask the man drinking carrot juice whether he’s sussed out the pros and cons first.

As is the case with all addictions, one is quick to forfeit principles when it comes to their favorite drink.  The most conscientious citizen can be stalwart in all habits except the one, paying no thought to the grave social and environmental impact of their morning pick-me-up.  If they have any consternation it is assuaged with a sticker.  Certainly coffee is not the most wicked poison on the menu, but those in the grip of this psychoactive stimulant should at least temper their judgment on those snared by like habits.

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